Swiping Right

Last weekend a few of my friends and I were fooling around on Tinder because that’s what people do these days when they’re bored.

We were using my friend Allie’s phone and swiped right on every single profile just for kicks and giggles.

She got a ton of matches, more than 200 in the span of a day. I happen to have a knack for witty conversation, so I took to chatting with a few of her matches. My favorite pickup line is “I want to paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.” We asked a guy named Frank, “Do you like wieners? Because I’d sure like to use some
 CONDOMents on yours.”

It’s all fun and games — guys seemed as though they weren’t looking to actually meet up or anything. But then you get that one guy who openly gives you his cellphone number and home address.

He might as well throw in his Social Security number — because why the hell not?

The biggest mistake one can make on Tinder is actually meeting the complete stranger they’re messaging. What if he’s a knife-collecting psychopath living with his mother?

Once we messed around with all our matches, it was time to go back to the drawing board. We kept swiping right in approval, even if the guy was wearing an eye patch while holding two cats.

But then the unexpected happened. The screen flashed with “You’re out of likes. Get more likes in: 23:59:55.” It felt like playing those free games on your iPhone from the App Store that don’t allow you to get past level five.

The Tinder game could be played no more. It might be surprising a girl is writing this column. But there’s extreme stigmatization of guys who always swipe right just to get it in at 2 a.m. every weekend. That’s not always the case.

For our generation, Tinder is a game, as is every 
other dating site in existence.

For example, one of my friends received emails on April Fools’ Day from Christian Mingle, Amish Dating and FarmersOnly. These websites, albeit serious to adults, are nothing but mere jokes to millennials.

The reality is we are never going to meet our soul mates on a creepy website with the username cowgirl38943. Even though we’re not the best at holding conversations face-to-face, we can’t seriously hold a conversation virtually with someone on SinglesWithFoodAllergies.com. “You’re allergic to gluten? So am I! Let’s get married!”

Life doesn’t work that way. Also, we’re a stingy generation. We like free food, specifically Chipotle, and are always down for $2 Tuesday at KOK. We’re not about to start paying to swipe right on Tinder. Ironically, adults have to pay twice as much to use Tinder Plus than people younger than 30. This is prejudiced against adults and their willingness to pay to find a partner.

It’s sad really. People think they’ll find a companion in a sea full of “We can’t tell our kids we met on 
Tinder” pickup lines.

Love has been put on the back burner for many individuals in their 20s. This is the time to be free and swipe right for fun, not for the future.

This article was originally published as a column for the Indiana Daily Student on 2 April 2015. 


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