Bread is the new face of the internet

The 21st century, more aptly named the Century of Stupid Things on the Internet, has #won once again.

A 27-year-old woman living in Brooklyn decided it would be a fantastic idea to take a perfectly edible Martin’s Potato Roll and smush her face into the bread.

While she did so, she filmed the whole thing and posted it to Instagram. This is how the breadfaceblog was born.

The spongy yellow roll, accustomed to guests like tuna fish and chicken salad, was surprised when this woman proceeded to roll her face all over its carb-loaded canvas.

“Bread Face” chooses to remain anonymous, possibly because she has a real-person job as a copywriter and doesn’t want to be subjected to her coworkers gawking at her eccentric hobby.

Her Instagram bio is “giving the people something they didn’t ask for” bracketed by two indispensable bread emojis.

She posts weekly videos of herself rolling her face in various types of bread accompanied by carefully curated soundtracks to complete the #breadfacing ambiance.

A seed-ridden everything bagel calls for Nelly’s “It’s Getting Hot in Here,” while Riesenbrezel, an oversized pretzel, has Jennifer Paige crooning “it’s just a little crush” in the background.

I discovered the blog through my sister’s roommate, a 23-year-old who knows how to do her own laundry, make eggs for dinner and shower at least once a week, if not twice. She has a college degree, a paycheck and an electric bill.

Yet she enjoys life’s little things, like sticking her face in a gluten lover’s paradise.

It’s dumb, but it’s also bizarrely entertaining because the act of bread facing is so utterly ridiculous. The ridiculousness makes it fun.

Rest assured, she eats all of the bread after she sticks her face in it. I hope she has a solid skin-care regimen and doesn’t come to work the next day bearing free sandwiches for all.

Since its creation, Bread Face has amassed 35,000 followers, an expose in the New York Times and a few collaboration offers from bread enthusiasts.

You may think this is ridiculous, and it is, but it’s who we are. Millennials do weird shit. All. The. Time. Just look at planking and coning. Who thought those were good ideas?

Brunch plans are the mecca of social lives, selfies are looked at more than mirror reflections and FOMO staunches productivity.

We are the people who make the Internet an extremely strange place. These wonderfully uncanny tendencies define who we are.

This article was originally published as a column for the Indiana Daily Student on 15 January 2016.

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