It’s no secret that I love a good millennial ailment. They are a perfect reflection of today’s society, the good and the bad.
There’s text-neck, blackberry thumb, Nintendinitis, iPad shoulder, laptop slouch and cubital tunnel syndrome. Next up on the list of modern medical mysteries? Selfie elbow.
NBC’s “Today Show” host, Hoda Kotb, recently spoke with Elle.com about her unusual bout of elbow pain.
Alarmed by this, Kotb went to her orthopedist. He asked if she was playing tennis or ping-pong to which Kotb replied “no,” although she admitted to taking a lot of selfies. Thus, the term “selfie elbow” was born.
Dr. Jordan Metzel, a sports medicine doctor, explained in Elle Magazine the pain comes from overuse. If you do something enough times, like taking selfies for example, it’s going to have consequences.
I definitely feel for Kotb. As an avid picture-taker, I am no stranger to the plight of the selfie. The art form can truly put a large strain on your arm.
Firstly, you almost need to hyperextend your elbow to get the camera at the right distance and tilt. And, if you’re like me and are prone to running your phone over with your car, you probably have a non-combustible, bulletproof case on it that adds on an extra pound. which makes a difference.
You start to feel a slight tingle in your upper elbow after, say, 20 different photos taken at varying angles. Numbness hits your arm at about 40 and, at 60, your arm is shaking so much that the selfies look like your 3-year-old niece took them. Then, once you finally bring your arm down with an exasperated sigh, you begin the long and tedious task of swiping through the photos, selecting your best five, editing all of them and posting the best one to the social media sites of your choosing.
For purely satirical reasons, I thought of some other tech-related conditions that might be added to a lengthy list of pre-existing #firstworldproblems in the near future:
Snapchat Syndrome. Remember when your grandma used to tell you your eyes would get stuck like that if you kept crossing them for fun? This is karma. Due to excessive Snapchat use, permanent distortion occurs in the face and/or neck areas.
VR Rash. A series of abrasions across the forehead area, around and underneath the eyes caused by Virtual Reality headset chafing.
Spotify Spots. These acne-like spots appear around the earlobes and facial area, caused by a buildup of bacteria and yeast from sweating in headphones.
If these impending diseases do in fact come to surface, maybe the best solution is to go outside and breathe some fresh air, absent of megapixels and cyber people.
But until then, I’ll catch you later on the interwebs.