I have a system when I write a column. The first step in the process is to choose a topic.
While it’s generally difficult to find a subject that I’m passionate enough about to dedicate my time and energy to, the exploring part is usually the most fun because I’m able to see what’s going on in the world.
The last two columns I’ve written have been about Donald Trump, an enigmatic orange Cheeto who just so happens to be our president-elect.
That’s great and all, but I’m kind of over him. This week I wanted to do something new, something inventive and something that would knock everybody’s socks off just because it didn’t have anything to do with that tiny-handed demagogue.
Guess what? I searched high and low on the homepage of every main news website, and all I got was Trump. Trump will make getting a green card impossible. Trump makes journalists want to crawl into a little ball and cry. Trump has some serious foreign policy issues to figure out.
I get it. He’s bigly news. That being said, it’s not like time stopped and paved the way for this man to suck the life out of every possible media outlet.
It’s actually the opposite. The media created this man. Now it’s time to dig ourselves out of this mess and start talking about something else.
There are things going on in this country that we’re quickly losing sight of simply because of the toxic effect of this election.
The Editorial Board had to publish an entire editorial on a freaking cup. Why? Because we’re so disillusioned that there’s nothing else happening other than Trump and the controversial containers in which our morning beverages are housed.
Newsflash — there is.
In South Carolina, two bodies were found on the property of a man connected to seven murders.
In New Hampshire, the police are on the hunt for the duo that stole 68 bras from Victoria’s Secret.
The gap between triangles in Toblerone bars has been widened and has sent everyone and their mother into frenzy.
Interpol has elected a controversial new chief named Meng Hongwei, the former deputy head of China’s armed police.
It took .637 seconds for a robot to solve a Rubik’s Cube. That’s ten times faster than the fastest recorded human.
A tech virus has erupted that can be spread through light bulbs, which theoretically could shut down the Wi-Fi of a whole city.
I could go on.
As you can see, there’s a crap ton of stuff that’s going on around us that’s a hell of a lot more interesting than some old man with blonde cotton candy on his head.
It’s time to move on, United States.
Get back to your Super Big Gulps and your basketball games. Go out on a date. Don’t talk about the perilous future of our nation, talk about the now. Go on a bike ride. Forget to do your laundry. Learn to play chess. Dance at that party.
We’re only here for a short amount of time. There’s only so much you can do.